Who knew?!

So, I had a date yesterday. It went well, I think. He was very cute and could hold a conversation! Plus, he knew all the right things to do: waited outside for me to arrive, hugged at the beginning and the end, walked me to my car...It was a solid first date. We'll see where this goes. :)

Attraction: A Necessary Evil

Alright... Not all of the time but definitely recently. Plus side to this current situation is that I am noticing other people again (and flirting too). Down side, though, is that I can't act on it, hence the evil connotation. Attraction is fun. Attraction is exciting. But, let me tell you, it's a lot more fun when you're allowed to act on it! 

Why I am attracted to this individual exactly I am not so sure. I do love being around him and he is very good at making me laugh. He pays attention to me - probably more than he should - way more than he should actually. I will say that he is the antithesis of my last boyfriend, which I think is why I am so intrigued by this attraction to him. Save a couple of random items, he and Kelly are nothing alike. This is good, I know, but makes me wonder how this came to be exactly. 

Attraction is a funny thing and can often go as easily as it has come. Part of me wants this to do just that while the other half wants it to stick around. Our playful back-and-forth certainly makes my day-to-day more fun. But I can't help but think how poorly timed this attraction is right now. Aside from this guy, I've been flirting with the possibility of moving away after my job ends in June. This is mostly because in order to do this same job I'll have to move to another university; damn Idaho for not having more colleges within driving distance. Additionally, this fellow isn't single. Before you began worrying, realize I recognize this as the ultimate reason why I can't act on my attraction to him - or interact with him in an inappropriate way. I respect myself for one but his existing relationship too. I understand what it could mean for him, to have a girlfriend and still be showing interest in someone else. He's opened up to me about his relationship concerns but those are for him to figure out, not for me to influence. 

To make matters more complicated, this fellow works for me. Yes, I know..."It's not allowed." Blah, blah, blah.. Don't get me wrong. I respect this boundary, however I can't help but feel a little irritated that the one time I'm not the cat, I can't be the mouse. Frustrating! That said, I should just let the pieces fall as they may; everything happens for a reason, right?

The Real Thing

Relationships, we all know, take work. A LOT of work. More than that, they take time, effort, trust, risk...the list goes on. I have spent much of the past three months wondering, much to my chagrin, what it was Kelly and I were doing those three years. I had an idea and he had an idea, only they did not so much culminate in the same brightly burning light bulb. I was trying it on for size, eventually hoping to buy it. He was trying it on for.......fun, eventually hoping to put it back on the shelf with as few wrinkles as possible. I can talk in metaphors all day long I've decided.

The best one, though, came to me tonight. I was on the phone with a friend and it hit me. My relationship, after some time, was much like being served Diet Coke after respectfully ordering the Real Thing. In drinking it you realize it tastes funny, a little weird and not like Coke, but you keep drinking it anyway, too afraid to send it back. I mean, it looks like Coke. You ordered Coke. Surely, it's Coke.