I've realized I'm looking for more and am not sure if it is to be found in Boise, Idaho. Simply put, I don't know where to find it or how to get it, whatever that "it" may be. I am not trying to be "emo" with my ambiguity; I am just that confused and restless with my life right now. While I have amazing family and friends, I am missing a lot otherwise. Yes, I'm working toward a greater career, but the proverbial fruition is longer off than I want. What keeps me motivated in pursuing medical school is knowing I have very few classes left and am doing very well in my current classes. But what continues to intimidate me is the MCAT, the application process, the hope of eventual acceptance (!!). There is much I still haven't started doing, like research, physician shadowing, and patient care (oh, and volunteerism). The best part? It all should be done by the time of application... I'm gonna go ahead and drop an F*bomb to myself.
So, I'm obviously focusing on my career/education, but what about all the rest of the stuff life is made of?? To be honest, I'm not the happiest. While I wanted nothing more than to get out of University Housing, the transition from professional life to non-professional life is hard. I miss a lot, from my role to my relationships to the rewards that came from the work or the people. Taking classes part-time requires I work part-time and it's difficult to find work that allows me the aforementioned items while being flexible enough for me to be a student and an employee. Not that I had a whole hell of a lot with UH, but I need more self-satisfaction. More than that, working part-time is hard to live off of when you're the only one who shares the rent! But, really, who isn't having money issues right now??? Ah, frustrating!
Part of me really wishes I could just pick up and move somewhere else. I can't decide if that's healthy or not. But I'm realizing more and more, every time I strike out with something here, that maybe it's time to move on. I love Boise (A LOT) and 3 months ago I was convinced I wasn't done yet with it. I guess I just didn't get far enough away from what I've worked so hard to purge...at least for right now anyway.
2 comments:
Oh, Jess, life's trials aren't fun, but that is a part of the journey. Just when I think I have it all figured out, something new is thrown my way and "my plan" is derailed. I know how frustrating it must be for
you to feel stuck and not really know why or how to get out of it. Prayer is my only answer. Oh and hard work and faith that you will make the right decisions for you when the time comes. Patience is something I dream of having everyday. We love you and may I say your profile photo is beautiful!
I feel so bad for just now finding this! That's what I get for not using Blogger in 4 months. Thank you for your comment; It's so supportive. :) Love you!
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